Last Christmas
by Iapetus
Summary: AU. Sometimes what a person really wants for Christmas is not theirs to ask for.


'Last' Christmas

A Saiyuki fan fiction by Iapetus

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Saiyuki, DDR, Eden Fantasies or Godiva chocolate. Damn.  
**Betaed**** by:** D-chan  
**Pairings:** Primarily Sanzo/Goku. Implied Goku/Sanzo, also hints of HomuraGoku.  
**Warnings: **Shounen ai, implied yaoi, language, sexual innuendoes, a very brief limey scene  
**Words to Know:** _Okonomiyaki _– "okonomi" literally means "as you like." It is a mixture between pancake and pizza. A Japanese dish that is grilled.

Dedicated to my lovely D-chan, who gave me the idea in the first place. This is my Christmas present to her, but I think she's willing to share it with everyone else. ::grins::

* * *

Freezing. There was no other way to describe it. Despite how he tried, nothing Sanzo seemed to have done to the thermostat had worked. He had even gone down to the landlord to complain, but in the end, it had amounted to nothing. 

Apparently he was out trying to buy some last minute Christmas presents.

It wasn't the first time that December (or even today for that matter) that the blonde had cursed the holiday season. Christmas rarely brought him good things. Long hours at work, despite giving him a chance to earn more money, were not always welcome. Sighing, he walked over and turned on the radio.

"…we have just received word that the subway routes have resumed their regular routes. The winds have been causing power outages in various small sections of the area-"

In disgust, Sanzo turned the radio off and walked into the kitchen. Glancing at his watch for what had to be the twelfth time in a half hour; he finally took it off and set it on the windowsill above the sink.

_He's late again,_ Sanzo thought, not in the least bit surprised. _He could have at least called for a taxi or something if the subways were down…_ After all, wasn't it _him_ who made such a big deal about Christmas? Sanzo had even taken Christmas Eve off, at his instance, since he wanted them to spend the holidays together.

Goku had always been like that. He hated to spend the holidays alone – or see one of his friends do so. But it was he who was called in at the last minute, running their plans.

Not that he had been looking forward to it, mind you. He tried to keep reminding himself of that.

-

The door slammed behind him, and Goku took a moment to catch his breath before he threw down the mail and took off his coat. "I'm home!" he called out, his eyes focused on the light coming from the kitchen. Throwing his coat haphazardly against one of the hooks on the wall, he watched as more snow fell to the floor. It must just be snowing everywhere, he noted with a small smile and a shiver. He was still cold from outside.

Forgetting to take of his snowy tennis shoes, Goku grabbed the mail and rushed towards the kitchen at high speed. He stopped abruptly, though, when he passed the tiny Christmas tree. It was sparely decorated, but a single strand of lights winded itself around it. Except that the lights weren't on.

Bending over, he quickly plugged them in, and paused to look at it briefly before wandering into the kitchen. For a moment he mentally debated on grabbing another candy cane to eat from the branches. It would be nice to get some more, but he doubt Sanzo would, especially with their tight budget (and especially since he had eaten the ones that had gone missing).

Well, he would try. Maybe Sanzo was feeling benevolent for once.

Hey, miracles have been known to happen.

Walking into the kitchen, the first and foremost thing he noticed was that Sanzo was standing at the sink. Washing dishes to be more specific. He felt a twang of guilt when he remembered it was _his_ turn to do the dishes.

Sanzo didn't seem to notice his entrance, or if he did he ignored it. Setting the mail down on the kitchen table, Goku's hand was finally free, and he walked up behind the blonde and wrapped his arms around his the older man's waist.

"I'm home, Sanzo," he repeated, a bit more quietly. The blonde flinched slightly as he drew his chest flush against his roommate's back, waiting for him to adjust to his close proximity.

For a moment the dish washing was brought to a pause, and Goku could feel the tension in the man's frame start to seep out of him. It wasn't sudden – incredibly gradual, in fact – and if it hadn't been for the fact that Goku had known Sanzo for so long, he would have not noticed it.

"You're late."

Goku shifted on his feet and pulled Sanzo closer. "You're supposed to say 'Welcome back'…"

"…and _you're _supposed to be on time," he challenged.

"You never say that even when I do"

The man simply scoffed at this, and started to rinse some of the dishes when they both heard a familiar rumble. Goku could see Sanzo raise a single eyebrow in the reflection on the window.

"…hungry…" he complained. Relaxing his hold, the brunette brought one hand to his stomach, as if to hold it in place.

"You know where we keep the food," Sanzo said simply as he put a few dishes into the drying rack. "Get it yourself."

Rather reluctantly, Goku moved away from his roommate and headed over to their fridge. "Have you eaten yet?" he inquired, scowling at the sight of cold and empty metal shelves.

"It's 10:30," the blonde replied without turning.

Goku hated when he answered like that – like some sort of politician. "And?"

"Do you think I've eaten?" More dishes were rinsed off. The pile was getting smaller and smaller.

He had a point. Even if he was not great lover of food, Sanzo wasn't the kind of person to wait for someone to have a meal. If he was hungry, then he'd eat. "Yes."

"Then why did you ask?"

Goku started for the pantry, but stopped again. "I was looking forward to eating dinner with you."

"You're just saying that because you missed dinner again. And here I thought that you just wanted a snack…"

"No, I really did!" And it wasn't _his_ fault that he missed dinner. Well, ok, it had been, but it was for a very important reason. If he had his way he'd have snack breaks all the time, but because of his work schedule, he technically was not allowed to take meal breaks. With the Christmas rush, most of the time those breaks had been taken away from him.

But today it hadn't been. He had been out looking for something important.

That wasn't the point, though. He had wanted to spend the whole _day_ with Sanzo, not just the evening. He regretted yet again checking the box on the application that said he was on call at all times.

Goku saw Sanzo give one look at the towel by the dish rack and seem to turn away in revulsion. Well, they could always drip-dry. Goku wasn't going to complain about that. Turning his attention back to the pantry, he continued his search for something edible.

A decisive click of a lighter preceded the familiar smell of tobacco, and Goku debated on whether or not he should bring up the argument about how they'd have more food (and more variety) if he could just quit. But Sanzo was not ready to trade one of his vices to fuel one of Goku's. And even though he would really like more food, he wasn't starving to death or anything (even though that's what it sometimes felt like).

"If you wanted to eat dinner with me," Sanzo said finally, after a long pause, "then you shouldn't have gotten home late."

Goku turned around to look at him again. The man was calmly leaning against the counter, cigarette in hand. Sanzo seemed to observe him for a whole minute before walking over to Goku and gently pushing him aside. Rummaging around, he withdrew a package of ramen, and then headed over to the stove.

"…what are you doing?"

Sanzo appeared to get the expression on his face that always appeared when Goku asked a question with a very obvious answer. "I'm making us something to eat."

"Us?"

"I never said I ate dinner."

Goku smiled slightly. It'd be the closest he'd ever get to Sanzo telling him that he was waiting for him. The man had never been direct with these sorts of things.

Making his way back to the table, Goku sat down and started to leaf through the mail. It soon started to form three piles, and he murmured to himself as he sorted. "Bill, bill, Christmas card, bill, junk mail, Christmas card, Christmas card, bill, Christmas card…"

He saw Sanzo's face wrinkle in abhorrence at the pile of bills, but picked them up nevertheless. Goku didn't even ask if Sanzo wanted to open any of the cards, and picked up the green envelope at the top of the sorted pile. Glancing at the address, he saw that it was from their former suitemates from when they lived in the dorms. It was immediately obvious who picked it out, and it was also obvious who grabbed the card at the last second to leave a comment. Amused and lightly aggravated that he couldn't retort to said comment immediately, he handed the card to Sanzo.

"…damn cockroach. How the hell did Hakkai even mail this with him saying that?"

"Because he has a weird sense of humor?" Goku suggested. The second envelope was red, and its contents didn't get a rise out of him like the last one did. He grinned as he set it down on the table and looked up at Sanzo. "Lirin left a comment for you too."

The blonde looked at the card and shook his head. "No, we aren't going to the DDR tournament. She knows that we already aren't."

"But Sanzo…" Goku whined, "I promised Kougaiji a rematch…"

"She's better than the both of you," he pointed out. "What's the point?"

"He's my rival!" Goku explained like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "_That's_ the point!"

"You look ridiculous when you do it."

"So? It's fun!" he exclaimed. "C'mon Sanzo, it's not like it's going to cost me any money or anything, you know I can get in for free…"

"No." The blonde shook his head as he continued to go through the pile of bills, seemingly waiting for Goku to complain again.

-

A half a minute passed before he realized that something was wrong. Looking up, he saw that Goku had a plain-looking envelope in his hands – it must have stuck to the back of one of the cards in the sorting. It didn't look incredibly remarkable from where he was standing, but from where he was he could see that the address was marked specifically to him. Wordlessly, he took the envelope from the young man and looked at the return address.

Goku's instant change in attitude was startlingly apparent. The brunette was not the sort of person to suddenly lapse into silence without reason, and it was the lack of noise that caused him to look up from the envelope and across the table. But Goku wasn't even looking at him – he continued to stare at the envelope in trepidation.

Usually he only got that look when he saw the bill for his tuition from the university, but a single glance back at the return address explained why. It was from one of the schools that Sanzo had applied to for the master's program in the fall. He had applied to four different graduate schools, but this one was by far the best for his program. The university that both he and Goku were attending had an amazing graduate program, but it still fell short in comparison to this school.

The school was 2000 miles away.

As if to shatter the tense mood, the clanging of metal resounded in the room as something sounded to have fallen to the ground. Both men looked in the direction of the stove, which had suddenly gone out. Cursing, Sanzo quickly went back to the stove in an attempt to get it going again, but to no avail. It was the fifth time that month that it had gone out. This time, he hadn't even been able to get the water to boil.

Revolted, he poured the water out and set the sauce pan in the sink. It didn't look like they were going to have ramen tonight, but he was secretly grateful for that. He had begun to get sick of it day after day… But Goku's stomach wouldn't be able to handle going without dinner.

There was another growl of a stomach, and Sanzo was surprised that it was his own. Goku grinned sheepishly when his own stomach followed suit.

"Hey Sanzo, could we go out somewhere to eat?" He asked hopefully. "After all, since the stove isn't working right now…"

-

-

Sanzo didn't understand him sometimes. He watched quietly as Goku ran a few meters ahead of him – the young man looking all around him as he went.

Having been convinced that going out to eat would be much better than running to the convenience store for some microwavable ramen, Sanzo thought it would be best to go to the restaurants near campus. They would be the only places open this late, even on a holiday. That, and they were cheap. He could handle eating out as long as it was cheap and they didn't do it too often.

The restaurants weren't nearby, and the path they took went straight through their college campus. As everything on campus was, it was incredibly familiar. They had been there last a few weeks ago when finals had come and gone at the end of the fall semester. That, and this was the same path they had often walked back to their dorm in their first year of school. They even passed the old dormitory, and it looked exactly as they had left it. Goku turned animatedly towards it and grinned.

"Wow… I can't believe it's been two and a half years since we lived there…"

He could. Often, it seemed much longer than that. "…are you going to say that _every_ time we walk by it in the evenings?" he asked, his tone slightly annoyed but also slightly amused.

Goku looked at his lover for a moment, and his smile grew as he looked back at the building. "Yes."

"It gets annoying."

"Sorry," the brunette sheepishly apologized. "But… sometimes I miss it, ya know?"

Sanzo raised his eyebrows skeptically. "You miss rooming with the cockroach?"

"No," Goku scrunched his face in response, "but it wasn't like I was rooming with him for a long time anyways." He then smiled again, and Sanzo fought to hold back a small smirk of his own. While the second half of the year had not held true to this statement (it had been mutually decided by the four of them that trading roommates would makes many things… easier…) Gojyo was still technically Goku's old roommate. And _that_ had been a match made in hell. They got more complaints about noise back then than when Sanzo and Goku had started to room together.

But he had to admit, there _were_ some things he missed. While bills never went away, at least there were less of them. One was significantly larger than the rest, but it meant less mail to process. Sanzo _did_ miss that.

Glancing briefly down at the ground, he noticed a large patch of ice in their path. Goku, who was still staring at their old dorm, did not see it and stepped out onto it unknowingly.

"What the-" Despite the sidewalks being (mostly) salted, it appeared that a spot had been skipped. Slipping, Goku reached out for Sanzo, and the blonde instinctively grabbed the falling man. Unfortunately, by then he had stepped out onto the ice himself, and he didn't appear to have any better traction himself. Pulling Goku towards him in an attempt to regain his own lost balance, he found them both still falling – only in the opposite direction.

The snow cushioned their fall somewhat, or at least Sanzo's own, anyways. He was grateful for that – the idea of his ass hitting the ice did not sound appealing at all. And having Goku land on top of him would be more appealing if the fall hadn't knocked the wind of out him.

He would have cursed if he had the air in his lungs to form the words. He had also wanted to wipe that sheepish grin off of Goku's face…

"Sorry, Sanzo," the brunette apologized. "I guess I wasn't watching where I was going…"

"Che. Obviously."

As the young man shifted to at least raise himself so that he was not completely on the other, Sanzo noted with a raised eyebrow that one hand was on his upper thigh. "You sorry about that too?"

Goku himself didn't seem to realize where his hand was at first either, but the sheepish expression quickly disappeared. "I was," he started, but then moved his hand further up Sanzo's thigh before continuing, "now I'm not."

"Get off of me." However, the lack of air in his lungs made his statement sound more like a suggestion than a command.

"Aww… c'mon Sanzo. Campus is deserted…"

"That isn't the point," he said quickly. "It's freezing."

"It's not that bad," Goku said impishly.

"You aren't the one lying in the snow," he shot back.

Goku smirked and brought his face closer. "What if we switched?" he whispered slowly.

"…then we'd both be cold," Sanzo reasoned.

"I'm never cold when you're on top of me."

Sanzo found himself shivering, although it wasn't completely from the frigid winter air. "This isn't the place for that."

Goku leaned in and gave his lover a brief kiss. "It isn't like you to turn me down like that."

"I'm not," he said simply, "just not here."

"Aww, you're no fun," Goku protested, but nevertheless got up and off of Sanzo. Brushing the snow off of his kneecaps, he then offered his hand to the man still lying on the ground. Batting the hand away, he pushed himself up. He didn't _need_ any help, and he suspected that if he had accepted it, he would have just pulled Goku onto him again.

"I thought you were hungry." Running his hand through his hair, he scowled. The snow was in his hair, damnit. If this was what he got for helping someone out, then he wasn't going to again. At least, that is what he kept on telling himself.

-

-

Much sooner instead of later, which Sanzo was infinitely grateful for, the string of restaurants came into view. It didn't take them that long to make a choice – there was only one that was still open despite the late hour. The establishment was new to them, but the building was not. While ownership changed more times than he could count, it still sold the same kind of food. A type of food which happened to not be ramen.

"We haven't been here in so long…" Goku grabbed the handle to the door and pulled. The smell of grills and the dusty old wood of the building wafted over the both of them. Some would call the smell nostalgic, but Sanzo didn't really think that much about it. He wasn't the kind of person to get mushy about these sorts of things.

Absentmindedly he grabbed a menu from the pile by the entrance and pulled Goku to a spot in the corner. It was the farthest away from the door, and therefore the farthest away from the cold. He would have sat closer to the grill, but as he took his seat facing the rest of the restaurant, he caught a glimpse of someone he wasn't expecting to see. _You've got to be kidding me – why the hell is HE here?_

"Awww, can't we sit closer to the grill, Sanzo?"

He had disappeared, but the blonde had the distinct feeling that this wasn't a good sign. "No."

"Why not?" Goku complained.

"The food won't get cold in the minute more it takes to bring it over here," Sanzo reasoned. He was also seriously considering leaving. If there had been any other shops open, he would have just left and gone there… but he was trapped now.

He hated being trapped. Especially by _him_. And as if to spite him, the man walked out from the door to Sanzo's left right at that moment. Cursing, Sanzo looked away in annoyance.

"What the-" Goku exclaimed, and Sanzo turned back to find his lover suddenly wearing a Santa hat. It was pulled down past his eyes, and he had to grab the rim of white fur and pull up before he could stare in disbelief at their "waiter."

"Merry Christmas, Son Goku," and all-too familiar voice responded. Sanzo frowned while Goku cracked a smile.

"Homura! I didn't think I'd see you again today…"

"It is indeed a pleasant surprise," Homura said with a small smile. "I did not think you would stop by here to see me after our chat this afternoon…"

"Our stove broke," Sanzo said shortly. "That's all."

"A Merry Christmas to you too, Sanzo," the black-haired man said cordially. "But that is not a very polite greeting," Homura said in a lightly reproachful tone. "Especially on a holiday."

"It isn't a holiday yet," he said shortly, pointing to the clock on the wall, which read 11:15. He could act like himself for at least forty-five minutes more before anyone could protest and ask him to change his mannerisms for a day.

However, Homura ignored the remark and turned to the other man sitting down. "How are you doing today, Goku? I heard they called you in…"

Homura, Sanzo was reminded, worked at the video game store in the mall with Goku. And by the looks of the outfit that the black-haired man was wearing now, it appeared that Goku wasn't the only one who had to work two jobs to pay the bills.

The two talked for a short time before the cook called out to the table. "Are there people out there? Take their order and get over here!"

Conversation ceased for a short while as Homura took their orders.

"I see," he nodded as he scribbled down the last word on the pad. Looking up, he smiled. "This hat suits you, my friend." He then flicked the cotton ball at the end of the hat and looked at Sanzo. "What do you think?"

"He looks ridiculous," Sanzo replied and looked away.

The blonde didn't want to say anything to encourage the man, but Sanzo also couldn't deny that it _really_ drew attention to Goku's face. A face that currently had an annoyed expression on his face, but it was more of an amused sort of annoyed. He was pretending to not like the hat, but really did.

The spectacle was comical.

"Awww… has Sanzo not gotten into the spirit of Christmas yet?"

"Go to hell."

"Guess not. I take it you haven't given him his present yet…?" he looked pointedly at Goku. "Even after spending all that time today looking for it?"

_That _caught Sanzo's interest. "I thought you were at work."

"I was!" Goku said quickly. "I was looking for it on my break…"

So he had a meal break after all, but skipped it to look for a gift. A gift for him. But Sanzo was confused; he could have sworn Goku had commented before about buying his gift about a week ago…

"Actually, if you would have given it to him, I don't think you to would be eating out at the moment…"

The blush on Goku's face made Sanzo instantly suspicious. "Um…"

Sanzo hated not knowing what was being talked about, especially when it involved him. And especially since _Homura_ knew about whatever Goku was up to…

"Stop yer yapping and take the order! We don't have all night!" the cook called out again.

Homura smiled again as he headed towards the door. "Be right there." He stopped again and turned his head back to look at Goku. "I shall see you two in a few minutes then. And Goku – do not forget to think about what we talked about yesterday. The offer is still open."

"I will -" he started, and then cut himself off. "Wait, what about your hat?"

"Keep it. I got it for you anyways." Somehow, that only annoyed Sanzo more. His gaze immediately fixed itself back on Goku.

"What the hell was all that about?"

Goku's act of virtuousness failed miserably. "What do you mean?"

"What did he want you to think about?"

Fidgeting, Goku looked away and towards the grills. "I really hope they bring our food soon…"

"Don't try to change the topic," Sanzo said shortly. He had no patience (well, less than normal) when it came to Goku's relations with his coworker. The look that Homura would give Goku when the young man wasn't looking was one that Sanzo knew very well. He knew it was how he himself looked at the brunette before they had started to date. When it came to trust, he _did_ trust Goku, but he had none for Homura. And he did _not_ like all of the time they spent together – coworkers or not. He knew that Goku would never cheat on him, but…

"Well…" The brunette started.

"What?"

Goku paused. "What are you going to do about the letter?"

That was unexpected. Sanzo hadn't particularly wanted to think about it while they were out, but now his mind drifted back to it. And he realized that it was still unopened.

"What about it?"

"Do you want to go?"

"It's the best school in the country for my program," he said simply.

"So do you want to go?"

He recognized the roundabout questioning from earlier that evening. He didn't have the patience to for it again. "What does this have to do with Homura?"

The younger man stared at his glass of water and poked an ice cube and pushed it down to the bottom. It floated back up to the surface of the water, only to be pushed back down again.

"…do we have to talk about this tonight?"

Sanzo scowled and reached out to still Goku's hand. He'd never get an answer when Goku was distracting himself.

"It seems like he wanted you to consider it soon…"

Goku looked longingly at his glass of water again – as if he wanted to start playing with his drink a second time. His response had not been the first thing he expected to hear.

"I'm not going to be able to afford the rent and my tuition at the same time. I mean, I wouldn't be able to afford rent by myself," he explained.

"Who ever said that you had to pay for my share?" Sanzo demanded.

"But if you go off to that other school, you're going to have to move there."

"We agreed that if I went it wouldn't be permanent. You should be finishing up school the same time I will."

"But it's two years!" Goku protested. "You can't pay two different rents at the same time, not even if you get that scholarship. And…" he hesitated, "I'm going to have to go part-time again next semester to afford rent even _with_ you still here."

He had no idea the situation was that bad. In a way, he was hurt that he hadn't realized it sooner. "…why didn't you say anything earlier?"

"…I don't want you to have to pick up the rent," he shook his head fiercely, "Not again."

Sanzo _did_ know Goku hated that with a passion. He hated to be babied – like he was some child. Sanzo knew more than anyone that his lover was far from childish – at least in these matters. The brunette knew when it was time to be serious.

"It's _our_ apartment," he said simply. "I'm just making sure the bills are paid on time."

"But Sanzo…"

Something clicked in his mind, and his eyes narrowed. "Homura asked you to room with him, didn't he?"

"You know I can't afford an apartment any other way – and I can't stay on campus while going part-time…"

His eyes narrowed. "You can't stay with Nataku or someone else?"

"Nataku's dad would flip if he got a roommate, for some reason," Goku shrugged. "No one else has a room."

"Do you want to?" Sanzo asked, watching Goku's expression carefully.

"Where else can I go?" the brunette pleaded. "I can't go with you…"

True. But…

"What if I stayed?"

The younger man blinked. He appeared to not expect to have heard _that_. "…what?"

"What if I didn't go?" Sanzo elaborated. "Would you still accept his offer?"

"Of course not!" Goku said firmly. "I want to stay with you!"

"Then why were you encouraging me to apply to this school?" he challenged.

"It has the best program for you in the nation," Goku said logically. "You deserve to go there."

Sanzo took a sip of his water. "This school program is also good."

Goku blinked at the words. "But… I thought you weren't going to apply here…"

"…I never said I wasn't."

-

The food had finally arrived, and for Goku it felt like it had been an eternity. It had completely slipped his mind that Homura worked here in the evenings, and while he enjoyed the man's company, he also knew that Sanzo did not. Things weren't going as they were supposed to. This wasn't supposed to come up tonight – not during the holiday. He knew very well about the situation at hand, and that his could possibly be their last Christmas together for a few years. This one was to be extra special. It had to be _just right_.

But it seemed like it wasn't meant to be. Whenever he set his mind to something, it never went the way he planned it to. When those plans involved Sanzo it often changed even more, given the blonde's unpredictability.

The silence that had followed their conversation held a promise that Goku wasn't too sure about its legitimacy. With Sanzo being as upset as he was about running into Homura, he knew it was better to inquire about the answer now.

So instead, he paid great attention to his plate, and the flawlessly grilled okonomiyaki that now sat on it.

"Wow… it's so perfect…"

Sanzo snorted and picked up the knife to cut his own in half. Goku did not bother with such measures, and simply picked the whole thing up to take a bite.

As he ate, he wasn't sure if it was his imagination or not, but Sanzo was not eating that much. In fact, by the time Goku had finished his plate, his companion had only finished a third of his. True, Goku had always been the faster eater of the two (he just seemed slower because he ate more), but still…

"Aren't you hungry, Sanzo?"

The blonde looked down at his food, and then shook his head. "Why, do you want it?"

His face lit up as the partially-eaten okonomiyaki was handed to him. Goku was well-aware that they could only afford one plate each, and lunch had been a very long time ago. Murmuring a quick thanks, he started to work on his new dish.

-

Habits were hard to break, as Sanzo had discovered long ago. No matter what happened, he'd always drift back to a particular pattern. That was just how he was. He knew it was how Goku was, too.

As the brunette worked on demolishing his food, he withdrew a cigarette and lit it.

Sitting back, he went to take in his setting. From his location, he could see everything that went on, except behind him. Not that it mattered, since it was a wall. His seat was a position of power, and it was one that he _never_ relinquished.

However, this position was fairly boring this evening. Most people were at home, preparing for the holiday. Those that weren't were either the shopping procrastinators (the ones who were the main reason for Goku taking so long to get home), those that had to serve said procrastinators, or just people who were bored out of their minds._ Or people whose stove decided to die on them,_ he corrected himself. Damnit, if the rent wasn't as low as it was, he wouldn't even attempt to put up with this crap. Either way, their landlord was going to get an earful about it soon enough.

He didn't notice at first where his gaze kept on ending up until the third time he caught himself staring at Goku. It was unusual for him to watch him like this when only the brunette was eating, but there was really no one else in the restaurant.

It was the reason he had to keep telling himself.

Sanzo didn't understand how his lover tried so hard to retain a cheerful attitude on things. It was easy to tell now-a-days when that goofy smile of his was a fake. The real smiles, especially since he had sent out his applications for graduate school, had dropped significantly.

He silently cursed to himself. Hadn't he been warned that it was a bad idea to go to school based on where one's partner was? Didn't that still apply to couples that had been together for three years, or only for the shorter ones? He didn't know. All he knew was that it wouldn't affect _his_ decision.

He also completely ignored the fact that the letter he had received still remained unopened.

Giving up on trying to find something more interesting than Goku to look at in the restaurant, Sanzo knocked a few of the ashes off of his cigarette into the glass ashtray. The brunette seemed to make everything interesting, but one of the biggest ways was eating. Sanzo didn't know whether to be disgusted or amused, or possibly both. Only small children got that messy while eating, and Goku was no child.

What _really_ got to him was a bit of mayonnaise on the corner of the brunette's mouth. Goku was getting much better about eating in public, and would often pause to use a napkin. But this bit of mayonnaise seemed to elude every single one. Pointing it out wouldn't do any good – Goku was terrible at trying to find indicated spots like that. Sanzo could either wipe Goku's face with a napkin, but then it would look like he was being babied, and Goku _hated_ that.

Smirking to himself, Sanzo got an idea. After a "normal" exhale of smoke, he set the halfway finished cigarette on the ashtray, and watched as Goku ate the last bit of food. Another wipe of a napkin, and he missed the spot again. Snorting, Sanzo shook his head. He shouldn't have been surprised.

Goku looked up from his empty plate as he set the used napkin onto the table. "What"

"You still have some sauce on your face."

"Really? Where?" He went to look in his reflection in the window, but Sanzo caught his chin with his fingers.

He smirked again, this time at the expression on his lover's face. A quick glance around the restaurant reminded him that no one was watching. Leaning forward and bringing Goku's face closer to his at the same time, he licked the mayonnaise off of the corner of the brunette's mouth. "There." He nipped at Goku's lip teasingly, and then brushed their lips together.

Goku looked a bit surprised by the action, but didn't reject it. However, before it could be make deeper, Sanzo pulled away and picked up his cigarette again, acting as if nothing had taken place.

He hadn't forgotten what happened on the sidewalk. Teasing was the best and worst way to get back at Goku. He was issuing a challenge to the younger man, and there had never been a time before when it would be turned down.

Breaking eye contact, he looked up the moment Homura came out of the kitchen. He said nothing, but signaled that he wanted their check. The waiter had an expression on his face that made Sanzo wonder if Homura had somehow seen what he had just done.

No matter how tense the moment had been, Goku immediately lapsed back into his _own_ routine.

"Aww… I wish I could have another…" the complaint wasn't as harsh on his ears as it could have been. Goku was well-aware of their money situation.

Homura made his way back to their table, answering the question he knew the younger man wasn't going to ask. "You know, Goku, I am sure I could convince the cook to give the both of you a deal for another plate-"

"No," Sanzo interrupted. "We're full."

"But Sanzo…"

A glare quieted the brunette down, and he handed the waiter his credit card. The only one he had right now that didn't happen to be maxed out. Goku waited to say anything until after Homura had left to ring them up.

"Wouldn't it be great if there was a credit card out there with an unlimited balance and you never had to pay the bills…?" he asked wistfully.

Hell, that _would_ be nice. Too bad those sorts of things didn't exist. Not even in a contest would someone give away something like that.

"If we _did_ have one, then you'd be in the restaurants constantly."

"That's bad?"

Sanzo held his head in his hand. "Idiot…"

-

-

Their landlord had still not been in when they returned. While Goku was not very happy about not being able to use their stove (and oven, for that matter), he was not nearly as frustrated about it as Sanzo. He was just fortunate that Sanzo _had_ gotten something to eat – he would have been much more irritable if he hadn't.

The first thing Goku had down when he got back to the apartment was scour it for food. He gravitated to their Christmas tree that was looking a bit bare. The time to ask was now or never.

"Hey Sanzo, do you think we could buy more candy canes for the tree?"

"No."

Shot down. Not that he didn't expect it. "Why not? They're really cheap…"

"You just keep eating them."

"That's what they're for."

"We _had_ plenty," Sanzo said, exasperated.

"They're all gone, now."

"That's what happens when you eat them, idiot."

"But…"

"No."

Goku was getting irritated. If he couldn't eat anything, he at least wanted something to suck on. He had been about to say just that, but then he saw a familiar gold box hidden in the back.

"Oh wow…" he said in awe. "When did you get _that_?"

"Earlier today when I went in to pick up my paycheck." The man practically collapsed back onto the couch. "It was the company's present to their employees."

"Ohh…" he nodded, still looking at the package. "Can I have one?"

"You'd end up eating them all."

"But you never eat them…"

He made a face in disgust. "That's because I'm sick of them."

"Then why not?"

"Because they aren't _your_ gift to unwrap. And it isn't the one I want to get this evening."

Tradition was tradition, as always. Born of his impatience, they both picked one gift to open on Christmas Eve. That was, unless the other thought that a particular gift should be unwrapped then. Some gifts that they had exchanged had proven to be very… useful… later in the evening.

_But wait… isn't it almost technically Christmas?_ Goku mused. Maybe he'd be able to get some of them later then…

Looking under the tree, Goku tried to figure out which of the gifts from him Sanzo was talking about. It didn't take that long to figure out what one he was referring to.

"Where is the gift _that_ person mentioned?"

That stopped Goku in his tracks. "What are you talking about?" Playing dumb wouldn't really buy him time, especially not with the say Sanzo'd see through it, but it was worth a shot.

"The one you missed your _actual_ dinner for." Yes, he should have expected Sanzo to be highly interested in the thing that would make _him_ want to skip his food for. Glancing over at the clock, he saw that it was 11:55. He wanted to give it to Sanzo on Christmas…

Well, if he could distract the man for five minutes, then he'd be able to tell him. It was something he had planned for. He grinned at the thought. It wouldn't be hard to do.

"What the hell are you smiling about?" the blonde demanded, his eyes narrowing. "Don't tell me you got something from Eden Fantasies again…"

"You didn't seem to mind it last year," Goku said with an air of confidence, walking closer. "Not with the way you were screaming."

"Rope would have been cheaper," Sanzo said reasonably, leaning back. He made no move to stop Goku's advance.

"I thought you didn't like the burns it gives you."

"That isn't the point."

"You liked it," he smirked as he settled into Sanzo's lap. "Too bad you didn't get a chance to use them on me." The blonde had vowed to pay him back for that, but…

Sanzo paused, and then smirked himself. "That reminds me."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Yeah right." They drew closer, but as they did there was a flicker of light above their head. Looking up, they saw the light waver again and completely die, throwing the apartment into darkness.

"Goddamnit, it begins…" Goku heard Sanzo curse. The mood broken out of irritation on both of their parts (but more so Sanzo's), Goku slid to the side to let Sanzo get up and head towards the kitchen.

They hadn't lost power yet this season before this night, but they had experienced it enough times the year before to settle into a routine whenever it happened. Goku knew that Sanzo wasn't going to continue any sort of activities until he knew that he'd be able to maneuver around the apartment without walking into anything. He felt a little lucky, however, when the light went out. It would buy him time.

The brunette himself stumbled back towards the drawer in the end table that the little tree was standing on – trying to find things by touch and not by sight. This drawer held everything and nothing all at the same time, so there was a chance that a stray candle had found its way in there. Or even better yet…

His fingers touched two objects simultaneously. One he immediately grabbed and flipped the switch, but it did not come on. A few hard smacks of the flashlight on the palm of his hand brought forth a beam of light. After making a mental note to replace the batteries, he went to examine the other item.

A mischievous grin laced his features at seeing that he had been correct with his other guess. Setting it under the tree, he then continued his hunt for things they could use.

-

It figured that Goku would be the one to find a flashlight first, Sanzo noted with a snort. It wasn't any fault of the younger man's when he kept on bumping into things. The candles were most likely going to be in the kitchen, anyways.

His foot caught the edge of a box in the pantry and he found himself swearing yet again. The sound of something soft yet hard hitting the ground at the same time kept his attention on his foot. An unseen object rolled and stopped as it rammed with his stubbed toe.

This was ridiculous. Pulling out his lighter, he flicked it quickly to try to find the box of candles. It had to be the one he stubbed his toe on – if it wasn't then he had no idea what the hell it might be. Revolted with the whole ordeal but relieved that he had been right about the contents of the box; he quickly grabbed some pillar candles and lit them the moment he set them on the table.

The gods must hate him, Sanzo thought seriously. The day had been one mishap after another, and he blamed it all on the holiday season. The weather didn't hinge on the holidays, but it didn't stop him for blaming it on Christmas any less.

As he shifted in his chair, the candlelight wavered with him. He paid no attention to the dancing shadows, but the pile of mail on the table. Everything had been opened except for one thing. A quick reach later and it was in his hands.

The envelope was thick. When applying to various undergraduate programs, Sanzo had been accepted to many schools, and even refused by a few. The thick envelopes _always_ meant yes. He had yet to be proven otherwise.

Then, if he already knew the answer, why didn't he open it up to verify? He had also applied for a scholarship there, and that answer was not as concrete as his acceptance to the school. The shadows danced again, and again Sanzo did not take any notice.

A finger brushed his cheek, startling the blonde out of his concentration. Peering over, he was both surprised and not at the same time to see Goku standing there by his side. His lover had always been very good at sneaking around, even on these creaky old floor boards. The brunette smiled at him briefly before leaning in to give him a short kiss, taking Sanzo by surprise.

"What was that for?" he asked, intrigued by the sudden form of affection.

Goku shook something above both of their heads and Sanzo looked up. It was mistletoe. Fresh mistletoe too, by the smell of it. The smile was still there, and while he could see the mischievous in it, he also saw a hint of sadness too. Goku had seen him about to open the letter.

"Where did you get that?" he asked, pushing his chair out so that he was a bit farther away from the table. Goku appeared to take this as an invitation for him to sit down, and did so by leaning in for another kiss as he went to straddle Sanzo's lap.

"It's a secret," he whispered, bringing their faces closer. "And you can't dodge _this_ one."

Sanzo didn't remember saying anything about dodging, and would have protested that remark, but he found it much more desirable to show Goku through action that he was willing to accept the challenge. His fingers found their way into Goku's hair and closed the gap between them. He smirked. Goku still tasted of the okonomiyaki he had earlier that evening. It wasn't a bad taste, but there were others that he preferred more. He knew that he must taste the same way, but as the brunette pushed their chests together, it appeared that he didn't mind too much either. Sanzo vaguely noted that Goku's fingers (the ones not holding the mistletoe) were not starting their usual pursuit down his side, but on his arm. One arm traveled down to semi-circle loosely around Goku with his hand resting on the small of the man's back. The other was still on the table, holding the letter. When their fingers met on the envelope, he let the young man pry him away from it, and intertwining their fingers together.

So. It appeared that Goku didn't want him to open the letter. Sanzo already knew that his lover never wanted him to open it. But… he caught a glimpse of the clock. It was 12:10 – officially Christmas day.

Goku bit Sanzo's lip gently, and he parted them willingly. He felt his lover lower the arm holding the mistletoe, but neither of them broke the kiss. As the arm wrapped around his neck, he realized briefly that it wouldn't be bad to wait a day to find out about what the school said. It appeared that what Goku_ really _wanted for Christmas was Sanzo, and that was a gift he didn't mind giving.

-

-

There had been many ways he could have awoken that morning. Many had been romantic notions that he had once had in various daydreams, and a few actually were from past experiences. Living in an apartment afforded little privacy, and more often than not one of them would be awoken by some noise that their neighbors made. When one woke up it often would eventually awaken the other, and then they'd both struggle to get back to sleep.

This morning it hadn't been by the kids next door making a lot of noise over presents like Goku had expected, but by the alarm clock which they hated so much. The timing was so predictable on it, they hadn't used their own alarm clock since their neighbors moved in six months ago. And even if their neighbor's bedroom was far from their own, it still sounded as if the alarm was right next to their ears.

Goku winced as he shifted – trying to see if he could possibly cover his ear so that the noise would not be as loud. In his movement, he felt a twinge of pain in his backside and winced. The more he shifted the more it would hurt, and Goku didn't want to move at all. It was a legitimate excuse to do nothing at all. It wouldn't work on Sanzo if he told him – the blonde had woken up many more mornings in his current state and dealt with it than he had – so Goku enjoyed the repast while it lasted.

Cracking an eye open, he looked over at his bed partner resting. He knew there was no way that the blonde would be asleep – he had yet to ever wake up before him – but there were times when the man would attempt to go back asleep. His face, while not as relaxed as when he would be in a deep sleep, still lacked the tired lines that formed there during the day.

Goku loved to watch him in those moments. They had become so rare during the past semester that sometimes he wondered if it was just his imagination. Even if they would get a chance to be together on some evenings, one of them would often have to get up early the next morning for work or an early class. It was draining, but he had to admit that it made him appreciate these moments that much more.

Looking down, Goku noticed that a hand was gently settled against his chest. It was not his own, and he almost didn't want to breathe in fear of it moving. For Sanzo to have not moved it even when he was already awake…

A lock of hair particularly obscured the blonde's closed eyelids, and Goku was tempted to brush it away. But moving his arm to do so would shatter the mood.

_Sanzo…_

"If you're going to say something, you should just say it," the man said suddenly, his eyes still closed. When Goku didn't immediately respond, he opened his eyes slowly to look at him. "If you don't breathe you're going to pass out, idiot."

"…not an idiot…" Goku smiled, feeling the tiredness in his expression, and brought his hand to Sanzo's brow to do what he wanted to earlier. He knew there was no animosity behind the insult – there hadn't been for years, and Goku had rather grown to like it. Maybe it was a sign of some sort-of hidden masochistic tendencies, but he didn't think that was the reason.

He just always knew that Sanzo was acting the most like himself when he was being insulting.

His smile turning more into a grin, Goku moved closer to snuggle against his lover. The hand on the blonde's forehead slid into the silky hair, and Goku pulled him in for a "good morning" kiss. When he started to get a response to it, he moved his hand down to the back of Sanzo's neck, and then to his shoulder blades. Remembering how he had held onto the man the night before at about the same spot, he tentatively tried to avoid it. They both knew that his grip could cause bruises, and Goku didn't want to cause him any pain by touching them. To distract him from it, the brunette nudged his thigh to brush between his lover's legs.

Sanzo, however, seemed to notice the action. But rather than voice any disapproval he had about the marks he had received the night before, he simply broke the kiss at the distraction provided for him. He looked down between their bodies and smirked. "You're a mess."

Goku wanted to grimace at the way the sheets clung to his body. Yes, he was a mess, but he knew that Sanzo had almost as much on him as Goku did. "So are you," he said matter-of-factly.

The blonde didn't seem like he wanted to say anything to that, and in response Goku just let his hand move to the small of his lover's back. It was a full minute before either of them spoke again.

"C'mon," Sanzo said authoritatively, "go take a shower."

The younger man grinned wickedly as he pressed his hand into Sanzo's back, pushing them closer together. He shifted his leg so that it would be at a better angle and smiled. "You need one too."

Neither of them could deny the reaction that was resulting in Goku's touches. Scowling, Sanzo scoffed and looked away. "Brat."

"C'mon Sanzo, we should really do our best to cut down on our water bills…" he whispered suggestively. Although he was perfectly aware the difference in price wasn't that significant, it was worth a shot.

The look on Sanzo's face gave him the answer he was looking for.

-

-

Sanzo knew it had been a ploy to get him out of bed. It was a damn good excuse too, except for the fact that he had forgotten that each time they had attempted to "conserve" water, they ended up spending more time in the shower than two individual showers that they could have taken. But he had never regretted any of them – Goku made sure of that.

After a brief argument upon them coming out about who would change the sheets on their bed, Sanzo found himself in the kitchen making himself a cup of coffee. His reasoning had won in the end – Goku had been the one to make the mess, and he therefore should be the one to clean it up. It hadn't really been an argument, though. Both of them were too relaxed after the night before and their shower to really get mad at another immediately.

The coffee maker signaled that it was done brewing his pot. Grabbing a mug from the rack of clean dishes that he had recently washed, he walked over to fill it up. He wanted the scalding-hot liquid in his body as soon as possible – the tile of the kitchen felt like ice on his bare feet.

Goku had stolen his slippers when they got out of the shower. _God, he's been such a brat recently…_

Before he could even take a sip of his mug, he found himself yawning. A glance of the clock told him why – it was too early in the morning for them to be up on a holiday. If it wasn't for that damn alarm clock of their neighbors, he wouldn't even be awake at all. He had no idea when both Goku and himself had gotten to bed the night before, but there was no way they could have gotten a decent night's sleep if they were up at this hour.

But none of that would matter once Goku was done making their bed. He'd come in and drag Sanzo off to go open their presents. He'd wake up soon enough.

Not wanting to stand more than he had to, the man went to sit down at the kitchen table. The chair had been how they left it from before, much to his amusement. Sitting down in it, he set his coffee down and pulled out his pack of cigarettes. A glance inside made him frown – he had only one left. After withdrawing the cylinder, he crinkled up the empty box and tossed it towards the trash can near the door. It bounced off the rim and into the center of the entranceway.

"Che. Whatever." He lit it with his lighter, which had been left on the table, then tossed it to the side. Leaning back, he took a drag and simply relaxed. It had been a long time since he had been able to sit down comfortably the morning after, and he wanted to enjoy it.

_Definitely something that should be repeated_, he noted with a smirk. He could get used to it.

His eyes drifted to the table, which was still covered in their mail from the night before. He dismissed the bills and the cards, only to look at the envelope.

The envelope. The stupid one that he still hadn't open.

Picking it up, he glared at it as if it were the source of his problems. In a way, it was. He wouldn't have had to deal with a moody Goku if he had never applied there. But Goku had encouraged him to apply… he didn't understand the younger man sometimes.

It was driving him nuts. He knew what was inside there, but…

A rustle of paper alerted him to Goku's presence. Looking up, he saw the brunette pick up his discarded cigarette box and throw it in the trash. There was a look in his eyes when their gazes met, and Sanzo couldn't describe it. There was pain at seeing the envelope, but there was something else.

It was almost as if Goku was letting him go.

The thought seemed to have shocked the man. Goku was never known for letting anything go, especially things that really mattered to him. It was endearing, but in many other ways it was annoying. Goku couldn't get rid of him _that_ easy.

"I have another piece of trash for you," he said quickly, breaking the silence. Goku looked startled, but walked over. He looked over the table for the trash Sanzo was referring to, and the man seemed confused, since the envelopes that the bills and cards had come in had already been thrown away. Sanzo simply shook his head and held out the envelope in his hand.

"You need to be more careful when you sort. You know how much I hate to get junk mail."

The statement had left Goku speechless. His mouth was slightly opened as he held it in his own hands. Sanzo simply took another drag of his cigarette.

"What are you waiting for? It's junk mail. Tear it up."

It didn't matter what it said anymore. Not when it was confetti in their trashcan. And Sanzo didn't make any snide remarks for once when Goku had promptly tackled him after throwing it away.

After all, junk mail could be deceiving. Especially when it hadn't been junk at first at all.

Sanzo snorted. So much for their 'last' Christmas together. If he had anything to say about it, there would be many more. And Genjo Sanzo _always_ got his way.

An arm went to encircle the brunette and the other set his cigarette down. "Merry Christmas, Goku," he said with a small smile.

Goku's face had been nestled in his chest, but his lover looked up and smiled – one of his genuine smiles – back. "Merry Christmas, Sanzo."

* * *

I hope that everyone has a joyful and safe Christmas 

Comments and criticisms appreciated. Merry Christmas, everyone. ::hearts::

-Iapetus


End file.
